‘A balance of nurture and structure’ – how we can encourage positive behaviour

It can be tough being a child – there are so many new experiences and things to learn, all while trying to develop as an individual.

It’s easy to see how children can become overwhelmed, finding it difficult to regulate how they are feeling and to behave in a positive way.

At Pilgrims, we are committed to promoting positive behaviour and supporting children to develop the skills they need to regulate their emotions and interactions successfully.

We recognise that all behaviour is a form of communication and aim to understand the underlying need behind any unexpected or distressed behaviour. Using approaches such as 1-2-3 Magic and TEAM Teach, we work with children in a calm, consistent and supportive way, helping to turn challenging moments into valuable opportunities for learning, reflection and growth.

Here, Jacqueline Morales, our Additional Needs and Wellbeing Lead, looks into how we can help children to manage their emotions and behave with respect and kindness.

De-escalation

If a child is becoming angry, upset or frustrated, first it is important to de-escalate the situation, and to encourage calmness.

Challenging behaviour is often the result of the child being overwhelmed by their emotions and not knowing how to process them, so bringing a sense of calmness and quiet helps you to communicate more clearly.

Young children can find it difficult to regulate and express their emotions, so reducing the heat of the situation is the first thing to do.

Then it’s all about listening and understanding.

The more we understand about what has triggered the episode of unexpected actions, the more effective we can be in supporting the child and encourage more positive behaviour.

If you can keep it calm and be consistent, you will see a significant difference.

Communication

An important part of encouraging and reinforcing positive behaviour among children is communication.

Once a situation has been de-escalated, and the child is in a calmer state of mind, we can start talking, and more importantly listening, to how they are feeling.

Children want to be heard and understood, and there’s usually a reason or a trigger behind any dysregulated behaviour.

If we can listen to a child, understand how they are feeling and why, we can address the cause of any challenging behaviour.

Working closely with parents

At Pilgrims, one of our greatest resources is the close relationship we have with our families.

Listening to our families to get to know more about their children helps us no end, and we hope talking to our families gives them some extra support too.

Developing close relationships with our families, and being able to encourage good behaviour in children both at home and at school helps to teach children how to express their feelings in a positive way.

Minimising screen time

Excessive screen time can have a significant impact on children’s behaviour, sleep, attention and emotional regulation, and many children are currently exceeding the recommended daily limits for screen use.

They can have a massive impact on sleep, as well as to a child’s emotional regulation. Sleep is fundamental for a child’s wellbeing. Children under 7 typically need the following amounts of sleep over a 24-hour period (including naps where relevant):

• 1–2 years: 11–14 hours 
• 3–5 years: 10–13 hours 
• 6–7 years: 9–12 hours 

Signs a child may not be getting enough sleep can include: irritability or emotional outbursts, hyperactivity or difficulty concentrating, increased anxiety or reduced resilience.

Consistent bedtime routines, limited screens before bed, and regular sleep/wake times usually help support good sleep habits.

Screens are not interactive mediums, they are not social and do not help the child understand their feelings – human interaction does.

Limiting time on screens and interacting with them one-on-one helps develop their emotional intelligence and ability to process the way they are feeling.

Getting outdoors

One of the best ways to help children regulate their emotions and behaviour is getting outside.

Nothing can beat being outside in the fresh air.

The endorphins we get sitting beneath the trees in the sunshine are magic for our wellbeing.

When a child is experiencing uncomfortable emotions and feels upset, a quiet moment outside can do them a world of good.

Find out more about the importance of outdoor learning at Pilgrims and the many ways our children enjoy the outdoors here.